littlepiggie818's Xanga

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:50:50 GMT

Four years ago, I couldn't imagine this moment. But it's time to face reality. I began writing on xanga to capture my memories and it has served its duties rather well. Over time, I wrote and read on xanga to improve my writing skills. I am still working on that. But it's time for me to move on.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:45:29 GMT

A week with Jo seemed to pass by in a flash. Whenever I think of her, I see awesome travel adventures - like trekking through a jungle, jumping off a bridge, or ~~skinny dipping in a river~~ scuba diving in the wide ocean. So after spending a week with her in Los Angeles, I am itching with that travel bug again. If only I could pack up and go for my around the world trip now. Grrr...when did I turn into that "if only" girl?

There are just too many obligations that I can't drop now, mainly because I am committed to a certain someone. Yes he could pack up everything and come with me, but then there's the school application that I should be starting, the matter of immigration on his part, and actually preparing for the rest of my life career. So enough of the could be and what not, I just need to get everything together and finally settle down into a niche.

June to July

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 19:26:40 GMT

Too much to blog down in one session. Let's see if I can be straight to the point.

1. The best friend is finally tied down. The wedding was perfect. She was a model-liked bride. Tears dripped down my face when I watched her at the altar. And I completely bawled when I gave the speech. The bestman gave the best speech I have heard in a long time.

2. Vienna Teng was amazing. She never failed to disappoint. When she performed at the Roxy with the live band last April it was great, however when she performed solo again at the Hotel Cafe last Monday, it was just magical.

3. It was cold in Huntington Beach on July 4th and the crowd of people was intense. The line to the restroom was endless. But I love the fireworks and that made everything worthwhile. Of course, ending a cold night with some warm pho in my tummy made it even better.

4. Death Cab for Cutie with the LA Philharmonic at the Hollywood Bowl was gorgeous. Who knew indie rock and an entire orchestra can work so well together? Of course anything with firework just makes everything 10 times better. The ending song made the entire night of (high maintenance girl rubbing her butt against my knees since she couldn't stand more than 5 minutes without a beer in her hand) all worthwhile. Tegan & Sara was surprisingly great. I watched some of their clips on Youtube and thought their music was mediocre, but live on stage they sure got me captivated. I can't wait to see what Ray Lamontange will do with the LA Philharmonic this coming Sunday.

5. I need to get back to my workout routine. Too many things on the calendar and I am neglecting my physical health. I feel the pouch growing again.

6. I also need to start reading and writing again. I don't think I can form a coherent sentence anymore.

7. I can't wait until Jo is here. I get to hang out with my Canadian friend just like when we were back in Korea.

8. I finally chopped off the mane on my head. 13 inches of hair is on its way to Florida.

Whoo-hoo, yay to the point!

Welcome Back, Xanga

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:23:14 GMT

Hello Xanga,

It's nice to see you again after all these months. I hope you have been well catering to other bloggers and xanganites. It's nice to finally have you cater to me again. I know it might seem like I have neglected you, but really it was you who neglected me. You neglected to meet my demand and time, neglected to capture and enrapt me with your writing and words, neglected to entice me to write another blog. But it's nice to see you again despite all the neglect.

In the time that you were away, Mr. Friendly and I were struggling to find time beyond the apartment, to gather enough money to survive the month, to live "frugally" through home cooked meals and home entertainment, and to look for that light at the end of the tunnel. And even though, it seemed rather dark at time and often we have to feel our way through each day, in the end we found that light. In fact, we're bathing in the sun.

For almost four months now, Mr. Friendly (as a result of the sad economy that we fell upon) has been unemployed. Immigration became a huge issue. The job was not merely for the bi-weekly paycheck, it also ensured the visa for residence. Without the job, the visa would quickly run out. In the time span of two months, Mr. Friendly sent out 100+ resumes. I would understand if he lacks the credential or the work experience to find a job, but Mr. Friendly's resume kicks ass. So out of the 100+ resumes, how many job interview did he get? For three plus months, the answer was 0. No one called him. No one emailed him. Nothing. Can you imagine how discouraging that is Xanga? Each day, I watched him I grew more and more worried. He grew tired and restly, and after filling out the same style job application on hundreds of websites, he was weary. He stopped applying.

He had other things to focus on, such as that 8 hours licensing test that really stretched out to be 10 hours long, or caring for our container garden (we became urbanite farmers over night. Tomatoes, basil, mint, thyme, lettuce, pepper, jalapeno, we're growing them all), or feeding my growling tummy. While I studied for my own standardized test, he studied for his. Once that was over, April seemed to disappear. He finally decided to resume job application. But before anything happened, a phone call seemed to alter the mood.

The biggest light that led us out of many worried nights and long winded days was a job interview. I knew that if he has just an opportunity to present himself to any company, then they would give their arms and legs to have him be a part of their team. So to make the long winded story short, he finally has a job offer to a great company. The plus side in all this brightness is the fact that he will break into the field that he is interested in.

Now it's my turn. I have been studying since January for this horrendous standardized test. After meeting Mr. Friendly I decided to narrow my options to one path. May was a fighting month. I hate having this huge goal at the end of the path because I fear failure. I still think of this line from that Dido song everytime, "If I am so afraid to fail that I won't even try". Fortunately, Mr. Friendly is a genius. For the last two weeks, he sat beside me and discussed logic with me. In the end, I sure hope it paid off. I am officially freed from that test until I receive the score 3 weeks from now.

Well, enough about me. How have you been?

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Sat, 09 May 2009 16:48:09 GMT

Life doesn't stay on hold for me. It keeps passing me by until I wake up and realize that it left me behind.

Hi. How have you been? I have been reading about roller coaster and death. I can relate to those words some how. It has been a while. I feel as if I am not really here anymore unless I physically record my present somewhere. This was my present. Then it became my past. Now it's almost nonexistent.

My nephew turns 2 yesterday. His smile will illuminate my day before I turn back to the gloom sky.

I am tired of listening to the end. The end of life. The end of the economy. I want it to rise. Come back to life. Resurrect so that I can briefly hold onto life.

A few snapshots

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 06:01:56 GMT

1. I am practically living with Mr. Friendly.

2. My parents gave up nagging me about it.

3. As if it isn't evident enough, I am in love - head over heels, crazy in the head, swim across the seven seas (this is a huge feat considering I can't swim), climb Mt. Everest, dive in volcano type of thing.

4. Mr. Friendly was laid off last month, so lots of little concerns running around my head, mainly the idea of deportation. The economy is bad, so bad that they wouldn't hire a Stanford graduate engineer. He must have sent out 50+ job applications already.

5. On the plus side, I enjoy gourmet meals every night from Mr. Friendly himself. I knew I would find a man who can cook for me. If only I can bring some sort of evidence to my mother.

6. My niece is beautiful.

7. I learned from my past relationship that I can't separate the boyfriend from the family. So I am trying my best to integrate Mr. Friendly with my family. I take him to every family events. Sunday night dinner with the family. Sophie's one month birthday. If they don't accept him now, then they would learn eventually. Even better, he wants to be there with me.

8. My nephew is such a brat, but he is sprouting up so quickly. I love his shaved monk's hair cut. I just want to run around with him my arms, but then he would become too heavy after a few minutes.

9. My brother is awesome. Hi brother! He is holding our family together.

10. My sister definitely was meant to be a mom. It's just inspiring watching her and her children.

11. I actually have the urge to learn how to cook due to Mr. Friendly's skills. I feel ashamed that I can't make one meal that is worthy for him compare to all the amazing meals that he made for us.

12. I am productive at work due to the lack of internet. I actually enjoy it more each day.

13. My mother seems to get along just fine with Mr. Friendly, in fact it's a bit scary how nice she is to him. I hope she isn't being fake.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 03:09:23 GMT

Too many things are going on. The lack of update is due to the lack of internet activity I am allowed at work these days. In my spare time, I barely have time to grasp other current events let alone update my own current events. But this one is a must. Sadly, I don't have pictures to show for it. Trust me, it will come.

I just want to welcome the world to my beautiful niece, orange she might be, but still beautiful. Sophie entered the world on February 17, 2009 at 12:30 ish pm. I can barely keep up with Ethan for 15 minutes and here is another bundle of joy to absorb. Fortunately, she does not do much but sleep and eat. Sophie looked rather microscopic in Mr. Friendly's arms.

I can only take in so much natural beauty. More to come one of these days.

To the parents

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 06:59:39 GMT

Dear mom and dad,

This is your 25 years old daughter. Just in case you forgot, it's 2009 and I am no longer five. I understand that you have spent a large part of your life working hard, raising and shaping me into the person that I am, and I am thankful for everything that you have done even though sometime you probably wondered where you went wrong. I just want to give you a quick recap so you can reconsider your future nagging.

In my life, I have never done drugs. I drink occasionally, but never stupid enough for any damages. I don't smoke. I was fat, but I worked on it and now I am still attempting to exercise, but I did lose those excess pounds. Although I am sure you were worried that I might get pregnant at one point or another, it didn't happen and will not happen anytime soon. I didn't get perfect grades in school, but I did go to an amazing school, one that you can brag proudly to our relatives and your friends. I didn't become a doctor, a pharmacist, an engineer, or whatever else you suggested, but I am debt-free, in fact I actually have some money for my future schooling and a great credit score for any possible low-interest loan. And even though my job is less than what you prefer me to be, I am working on improving my future. It isn't as if my ambition has gone astray.

I am not married now nor do I have any grandchildren for you to play with, but I do have a great boyfriend who is considerate, kind, and always willing to eat whatever food you might throw his way. No, he is not Vietnamese like you expected him to be, but he had a great education which allows him to have a stable job with a great future prospect, a car or two to get around, a great relationship with his family, understanding enough to know where I came from, and he's cleaner than 95% of the men I know. Let's just look at it this way, at least I did not come out the closet and tell you that I am gay, which I wanted to do just to expand your mind a little bit even though I am not gay.

I apologize that I might not be as cooperative as my brother or as successful as my sister, however you need to understand that I am not them. I understand that you grew up in a Confucian culture, where patriarchy reigned, poverty was/is the norm, jobs were sparse, women could barely decide who they marry whereas men can sleep with as many as they please but still expect their wife/wives to be virgin(s), and future endeavors non-existent. But I feel you need to understand that I grew up under your ideas of such culture, but largely I live in another culture, where patriarchy still reigns, poverty is evident, jobs now seem harder than ever to find, and men can still sleep with as many as they please, but future endeavors are possible, ambitions gain reward, women are allowed to have great jobs, an education, a mind to think and decide, a mouth to voice their opinions, a vagina to enjoy at their own disclosure even with the frown and the wink from society.

I know I am supposed to maintain my filial piety to you and I am trying to maintain the culture that you have given me. I apologize for my inconsiderations at time. However, it does not mean that I need to get permission everytime I leave the house or if I want to stay out past 2 am or if I decide to get away for a weekend. Yes I do enjoy my late nights with friends, but not to act upon any misconducts. I understand that you are concerned and worried for my safety, but you should also know and trust your daughter to be smart enough by now. I survived twelve years of grade schools and four years of university, I backpacked through Asia and for over a year lived in a foreign country where I don't speak the language or knew anyone and I still managed to return to this continent in one piece, I think those should have been evidence enough that I can conduct myself properly.

I know you think my mind is good for books and not for thinking outside the box. Unfortunately, I was educated to think critically due to your great encouragement in my schoolings, allowed me to think beyond what you taught. Therefore I can't accept everything that you tell me as facts or as you think they should be. I am actually an adult now, someone who pays the bills, goes to work, has more than a checking account, understands the pain of relationships but knows the joy of love. I know you want to protect me from any pain and your past mistakes, but you can't expect me to be you. I will make mistakes, but please trust me enough to know that I will learn from them and become a better person because of them.

Please reconsider all these points before you begin nagging me on other miniscule things or voice your opinions on the decisions that I have made. At best, please refrain from all nagging and nosiness. I know it's tough, but if you ask nicely I will be glad to share with you and possibly consider your point of view.

with love,

Your daughter

Anticipation

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:52:33 GMT

My body is hurting.

I went to Big Bear this past weekend with my best friend, her cousins and sister, her boyfriend, and my brother. I tried to speed up the weekend with some crash landing on the slope and now I am hurting.

Yesterday, standing at the airport, waiting for Mr. Friendly's delayed flight to finally end, I tried to stretch away the aches because honestly I need the strength to hug him as tight as possible. And as soon as I saw him walk up that light slope at the International Terminal, all the aches and pain sort of fade away. I just stood there with arms around him for ten minutes, absorbing his scent and my hands against his body. How can it be so good?

In Love Actually, the movie began and ended with all those scenes from the airport, of returning and leaving, hugging, kissing, welcoming and goodbye-ing, I finally understood that feeling. Being the one on the waiting end and watching his eyes scanned the crowd for me, I can see why K-drama loves to include an airport scene in each of its show. It's dramatic watching someone leaves and the anticipation of waiting for that person to return is excruciating. 16 days passed in slow-mo. Fortunately I was able to occupy myself with pain from trying to carve down the mountain at Snow Summit, otherwise the last two days would have moved to a stop.

Even waiting for Monday to end seemed forever. His flight was meant to arrive at 2:35 pm, but it was delayed until 6 pm due to the falling snow in Paris. Are you kidding me? I thought to myself. It was as if someone is purposely tormenting me.

Yes all that aches and pain are still there. But it doesn't seem to bother me anymore now that he's back.

Welcome to 2009

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 19:39:56 GMT

This year seemed to pass in a blur. I can still remember waking up in the hotel in San Francisco with a slight headache from the drinks the night before to start 2008. This morning, I woke up earlier than intended and instead of dealing with the grogginess from last night's drink, I had enough energy for a run and a long walk.

Golden leaves and crimson trees fluttered past and underneath my tennis shoes, the crunch of brown leaves. I was entranced with the blue sky and warm sun. What a beautiful day to start a new year.

I pondered over the great experiences of 2008

1. Wicked the first time around
2. spending more quality time with the family, including our first family outing for Labor's Day and drinking our way through Thanksgiving with my sister's in-law.
3. Large concerts with Kevin, my new-found friend/brother - Jack Johnson at UCLA, Jamie Cullum at the Hollywood bowl, Hotel Cafe Tour with Lenka, Emily Wells, Thao Nguyen, Meiko, and Rachael Yamagata
4. Small productions - Ragtime, West Side Story, Asleep on a Bicycle, One-Night Stands, etc...
5. sky diving in Santa Barbara
6. white water rafting in Northern California
7. road trip through Oregon with Wow Bao
8. small music venues with my favorite musicians - Vienna Teng, Rachael Yamagata, and Ingrid Michaelson
9. making new, lasting friendships with Kim's boys
10. running, talking, eating, celebrating with Diana
11. renewing old friendships over food, club, drinks, words
12. bonding with the "Thugether" boys & making history
13. My best friends - One is engaged and another is heading to medical school.
14. Secret Society
15. Watching my sister's tummy grew over the weeks and months.
16. being single and accepting it
17. the night I turned 25
18. finally understanding the feeling of the phrase, "This is it".
19. knowing what I want at last.
20. it's all about love.

and the not so great experiences
1. Mr. Friendly's car accident
2. driving my mother to the doctor
3. visiting my nephew in the hospital
4. my car accident
5. witnessing my brother's dating life
6. studying for the GRE
7. losing a friend
8. counting down the days when Mr. Friendly will be on the same continent as me

Here's to another year. May it be filled with wonderful adventures, great surprises, amazing accomplishments, love, happiness, and all that good stuffs.